The Gift : A Fairy Story : Five Minute Fantasy : Crossroads |
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Five Minute Fantasy…“Hiya babe!” A girl’s voice shrieked across the room “Emma, hi!”
The girls approached each other, arms outstretched, and after a brief hug the first exclaimed, “Why aren’t you dancing?” And dragged her best friend onto the crowded dance floor. He caught her eye. The girl looked back at the handsome stranger, her eyes immediately drawn to his. She held his gaze, subconsciously licked her lips and ran a thumb around the smooth thigh of her hemline. He danced his tall, lean, supple body over to her and she moved in close to him. She pressed her body against his and as he gently gripped her hips, swayed their bodies together, she felt, …Electric. He smelled fresh and his persona sexy aroma made her melt. As the endless beat finally merged into another track he slipped away, gave a sly wink, and was gone before she could even ask his name. She looked around the room, but there was no sign of her mystery man. Her hopes shrugged off, she returned to her chair. Suddenly she didn’t feel like dancing anymore.
“Come on babe. You ready for home?” “Yeah I’m knackered.” “Yeah! Drunk more like! Come on piss head. Who was that guy you were dancing with? He was well fit you lucky devil.” “Oh yeah. Wasn’t he? I didn’t catch his name. He was really sweet. He kept telling me I had a lovely smile.” “Aw cute!” “Yeah he was a good dancer too. I should have got his name but he disappeared. Just my luck.” “Nevermind. Come on. There’ll be others.”
She stood, wobbling, and took her friend’s hand as they walked slowly out.
Kim woke with a thumping head. As she sat up in bed, the previous night’s antics filtered back. That guy…She smiled to herself. She dreaded to think what a fool she could have made of herself after several glasses of wine. Chuckling, she dismissed the thought. It didn’t really matter if she had made a fool of herself or not she supposed, as it wasn’t as if she was likely to ever see him again. At least she might have made a lasting impression anyway!
Kim stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the enterprise floor as usual. “Wait up!” She stopped the closing doors as her friend hopped in beside her. “Hiya Em. Good night last night.” “I’m surprised you remember!” Emma exclaimed with more than a hint of sarcasm. “You’ll never guess what.” She said in a hushed voice as she leant in. “What?” Kim couldn’t help an element of excitement creeping into her voice as she braced herself for gossip. “I woke up in Bradford this morning!” She shared.
Kim’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped then quickly turned into a grin, which Emma shared guiltily.
“We dropped you, got you to bed-you were sparkers as soon as we got in the taxi-and we went on to his place for…a cup of coffee…” She giggled wildly. “Say no more!” Kim laughed. “Hey do you remember that bloke you were dancing with all night? He was really cute. Did you get his number?” Quietly she replied, a little disheartened, with a negative. “Still. Always next week eh?” “As ever!” Her friend chirped cheerily.
Emma lit a cigarette while they queued outside the club. “Those things will kill you.” Kim spat, as the vibrating boom from inside got closer. “What’s worse is they’ll kill me if you keep waving it in my face.” She scrunched her nose up and tugged her skirt down as they paid in. Ever vain the girls headed straight for the loos. It had become almost something of a ritual. When lips were re-glossed, cheeks blushed and hair touched up, they swept onto the floor like a pair of dancing queens.
Kim stood desperately trying to get the attention of the rather inattentive girl behind the bar as she walked past to serve the person standing next to her and then promptly served the person on her other side. Her face must have been starting to show what she was thinking because she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around. A kind face greeted her.
“Are you waiting to be served?” “Erm yes, without much luck at the moment.” She smiled back. “I’ll get you served. Just hand on there a minute.” The bloke, a little older than herself, about thirty she guessed, gestured confidently to the barmaid and made waving motions n Kim’s direction. The girl wandered immediately over to serve her. “Wow. Impressive!” She joked, “You wouldn’t like to confide your methods would you? That trick could come in handy.” “Ha ha. You just got to let them know you’re there.”
As she studied the man closer, she decided he was quite handsome, in an older man type of way. He had kind eyes she thought.
“You have a lovely smile you know.” The man said, but the rest of his words drifted off. Lovely smile. The words echoed inside her head. Smile. Lovely smile…She remembered the handsome stranger from the other week. Something about him had stuck with her…okay?… “Okay?” She heard ebbing and flowing with the music. “Are you okay?” The man stood looking confusedly at her. “Oh sorry. Away with the fairies there. Excuse me.” Kim made her way past, hastily pushing through crowds of bottle grasping, Alco pop filled teenagers. She reached the toilets and realised she had been holding her breath. She exhaled loudly and looked at her dilated pupils in the mirror. Saw his chestnut brown eyes in place of her drunken blues. Imagined his dark skin next to hers, pale. Kim shook herself. Silly of her, she thought, to keep thinking about this guy who she had met just the once. She knew nothing about him. Except that she felt she knew everything about him in the minute that he had been next to her. The smile said it all. Stop it. She scolded herself silently. Why couldn’t she shake him off? She splashed cool water over her face, gave her glossy mane of dark hair a quick brush and went in search of her friends. She pushed open the heavy door and walked straight into someone heading in. “Oh sorry.” She looked up. It was the guy from the bar. “Ah the girl with the smile. I was wondering where you had run off to. Feeling better?” “Yes? Oh. Yes.” “You’re not sick are you?” He asked lightly touching her shoulder and looked into her face. “You seemed a little bit distant a minute ago.” “Me? Oh no. Not sick. Just too much wine I think. I feel much better now.” She swept her fringe away from her glitter stroked lids. “Well good. You fancy a dance?” he asked already taking her hand. She curled her long fingers around his and let herself be led to the dance floor. Kim began to gently sway to the beat of Rhythm and Blues as her new dancing partner looked on appreciatively. “Aren’t you going to dance? Come on join in.” She coaxed, but soon wished she hadn’t, as he began leaping from one foot to the other, stiffly jumping around in manic circles. He looked as if he were being prodded up the backside by an electric poker, she thought to herself, while trying to stifle a laugh.
“Hiya babe. Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you. Are you ready to go? Chris has invited us back to his for a nightcap. You fancy it?” Emma’s sudden appearance had surprised the giggles away. “Yeah sure. Just let me get my coat.” Kim turned to the crazed dancer and made her apologies. As her and her friend turned away she erupted into fits of hysterics. “What’s up with you?” Emma asked chuckling at her mate’s sudden outburst. “You just saved me from that guy. You should have seen the way he was dancing, or rather jigging about like a loony.” “Poor guy. He probably thought he was on to a right catch.”
The night before faded into the morning after, and a few paracetamols later she was back at her desk dreaming of brighter tomorrows. “Hi Kim. Good night eh?” “Oh hi Chris. I don’t really remember much after the tequila slammers. Waking up next to Emma was a bit of a surprise though!” She replied. “Well we could hardly send you home the state you were in, and Em was worried you might be sick. She was convinced you were going to choke or something, so she climbed in with you. I’ve never seen you like that Kim. You don’t usually get that drunk…” “No.” She murmured under her breath. Remembered last night. The three of them. Or rather the two of them and her. The gooseberry. Seeing the pair of them canoodling all night. They probably thought she hadn’t noticed the way they looked at each other. She longed for someone to look at her that way.
Kim had been so engrossed in her thoughts she hadn’t even noticed the time ticking by. It was past six. The office was practically deserted. She gathered the papers up from the menial task she had been working on and filed them away for another day. She was so sick of the job. If she left now she wouldn’t miss the skill-less, mind numbing tasks she employed every day. She sighed as she pulled on her long winter coat; un tucked her long dark tresses and picked up her bag to go.
The air outside had turned breezy and Kim hugged her coat in close and turned the furry collar up. The leaves danced before her, whipped up off the ground and blown in an angry circle as she headed for the station.
The journey home seemed longer than usual. She watched the usual landscape crawl by. She usually enjoyed the fruitful scenery but today it just seemed barren and cold. She rounded the corner to the flat she shared with her friend, and though she hoped she knew there would be nobody home. She stood with the round brass key, cool in her hand, and sucked in her breath. All was still. She waited for somebody to open the door to her, but of course nobody came. Emma must be at Chris’ she thought, and wished she had a Chris. Not literally him, just a man. She hadn’t had a man in her flat since she moved in, apart from her daddy and that didn’t count. She turned the key in the lock and walked dispirited inside. Don't wish your life away, she recalled her daddy’s words from when she a little girl. So she stopped wishing and picked up the phone.
“Hey Suzie, you doing anything tonight? Fancy a girl’s night in?” “Oh sorry I can’t. It’s my mate’s party tonight. Hey why don’t you come along?” “Won’t your mate mind?” She answered with an air of caution. She didn’t want to give away how much she wanted to go. “No. Course not. Tell you what, I’ll come round to yours and we can get ready together. What are you going to wear?”
It was warm and welcoming inside the party. Kim was determined to have a good time. She danced and drank, and for a time she forgot about being lonely. She went to sit down for a while. It was so warm she was almost sleepy. She thought she had better stay sitting down in case the alcohol got the better of her. There she stayed until before she knew, it was the end of the night.
The lights flickered on and she engaged her thoughts, stood, and felt her head go light, and her heart, heavy. She wavered slightly and just as she thought she might have to sit back down she felt a strong arm around her waist. “Whoa, steady girl. You okay?” A smooth man’s voice whispered close t her ear. Distant, yet somehow familiar, she blinked and focused on a pair of soft, chestnut brown eyes. A broad smile spread across her blushing lips, as she recognised the sexy stranger. Her mystery man had returned. Her senses and wit returned at the same time, and she coyly replied with the best one-liner in the book, “Much better now you’re here.” His concerned face broke into a grin, and he leant in, pressing his lush lips, warm against hers. She felt her nipples perk up against the silk of her top, as he hugged her body in tight. He smoothly broke off the kiss and asked, “How are you getting home?” She explained that she had a taxi booked, and he insisted they share it so he could make sure she got back safely. As they waited, the night’s cool air sent a shiver down her spine, and he placed his jacket around her shoulders. He held her and hugged her in close to keep her warm. A thought suddenly occurred to her, a ridiculous thought that made her giggle when she suddenly realised she had just kissed less than a stranger. “What is your name?” The cheeky smile crept back across his face like a flash. “Mark.”
The taxi drew up and he held the door, climbing in after her. They snuggled into each other and as she studied his manly perfection, every inch of her screamed to be touched. She felt radiant, as if the night were as young as she and her lips pulsed with the hunger of raw sexual energy. She looked deep into those fascinating eyes, and they screamed back at her with want. Passion held them prisoner and she felt like she wanted for the first time. She needed him to take her, to set her free, and she needed him now. His hand slid casually from her knee up to her thigh and pushed down her white panties. He applied pressure and she felt the demons cast out of her spirit in one loud effortless moan, as she melted to weakness in his arms. He pressed his pelvis firmly into her crotch and she felt his bulging erection against her. They kissed violently and her hands trembled as she forced the zip of his tight trousers down. He pinched her nipple between his forefinger and thumb, and she felt zips of electric go shooting up and down her body, and cried out with glorious pleasure. The taxi stopped and they found their way out into the dark and into the
dark of her house. Stopping. Kissing. His tongue on her neck sent the butterflies
flying in the pit of her stomach and set the base of her spine tingling.
Stumbling their way into the first room they fell onto a sofa and could
not wait any longer for each other. She needed him in her. Clothes were
ripped off and discarded in fast succession, and they were hot as he slid
into her and thrust deep. They began to go faster, harder, her heart quickening
to the pace and she groaned with very move their bodies made together.
She felt as one with him and panted his name over and again. Finally they
reached orgasm and came together. The sparks of passion turned into magnificent
fireworks and she screamed as they exploded in the back of her skull. The
blood thumped at her temples and a surge of immense elation gushed through
her body and the butterflies fluttered furiously in her stomach, and oh,
she was helpless to stop the dying moan that escaped her lips as she quivered
at his touch… |
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© Gemma Wittmannback to top |
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The GiftAs she rounded the stairs
to the landing, an old chap stood a few feet in front. A stranger to
her, but
she wasn’t scared. “Hello.” She chirped. His little girl ran towards him, her little blonde bunches bouncing
as she came up to him. He lifted his five year old onto his knee. “Daddy,” she
began as he re tied her red ribbon into a small bow. “Does Granny
know anybody called Albert?” …“Maureen, I think you’d better hear this. Tell mummy what you just told me Kiera.” “There was a man upstairs, on the landing. He wanted me to tell granny hi.” She beamed. The parents looked worryingly at each other. “She said his name was Albert. I think we should go to my mother’s. She’ll know what to make of it.” David said in a hushed voice to his wife. And so they piled into the car and drove in silence the few miles to his mother’s house. Kiera loved it at Granny’s. There was a big garden for her to play in and her Gran always gave her 20p for ice cream or something from the nearby village shop. They arrived and as her gran opened the door to welcome the surprise
visit, Kiera flew into her open arms. “Albert told me to say hi
to you Gran.” “Whatever do you mean love?” “Hi mum.” Her son interrupted.“Let’s go inside shall we? I could murder a cup of tea.” While the girl went outside and played happily in the garden, cart wheeling and making daisy chains, the three adults sat over their hot beverages trying to decide what to make of the situation. “I don’t think she’s making it up mum. You know we bring her up not to tell tales. I don’t think she understands though. Don’t you remember Gran was like this?” “Well there’s only one way to tell I suppose. Bring her inside David.” She got up from her chair and with a sigh unlocked and pulled open a mahogany drawer full of old photographs. “Kiera honey, now I want you to think about the man you said you saw. Do you think you can remember what he looked like?” “Yes Granny. He was wearing a brown coat and he had a kind face.” She giggled. “Well do you think you could look at these pictures and tell me if the man you saw is any of these?” Her gran placed several photographs in front of her, and she pored carefully over them. She picked out four pictures with the man she had seen in them. “Can you point him out to me on each of them please honey?” Kiera did as she was told and pointed the man out. She noticed her Gran's eyes had suddenly gone a bit watery and she nodded. “That is your Grandad Albert sweetie.” David said softly. “Who is Grandad Albert?” She asked puzzled. “He died before you were born sweetie. A long long time ago, when Daddy was little like you.” Her Dad answered her. “Honey you have a very special gift.” She was told. That was the first time they knew she was different. Her Gran didn’t like it. Said her mother had had the gift and was haunted by some of the people she saw all her life. Wouldn’t leave her alone. It was more like a curse than a gift, she said when her mother was frightened in the night by people standing around her daughter’s bed. They were probably just looking after her but it spooked her mother no end. That was four years ago now and Kiera had had no more ‘visits’ as her parents liked to call them. She had all but forgotten about the episode. She had sometimes asked about it as she had got older but gradually the years left it behind. Kiera snuggled the quilt in closer as she felt a chilly draught down her back. She closed her eyes and began to drift dreamily into sleep. Her mum came in to say goodnight her and sat down lightly on the end of her bed. Kiera prized her eyes open, but to her surprise she saw, not her mother, but a little boy, about her own age. The little boy was looking intently at her. Her initial fear disappeared almost immediately as she recognised that it wasn’t a real little boy. She thought she remembered seeing somebody else who wasn’t real, but it was a long time ago. She only remembered that he had sounded kind, so she assumed this boy would also be kind. She stuck out her tongue and the boy recoiled, startled. She giggled and the boy joined her, she saw, as a smile spread across his face. “Hello.” She said simply to him. Morning came and Kiera went sleepily downstairs to greet her parents. Kiera sobbed as she lay down for bed that night. Why were her parents so angry with her? She didn’t understand why they wouldn’t believe her. Later the familiar twinkle appeared in her bedroom as she felt the end of the bed go down again. She sat up. “Hello.” The boy said. “Why are you crying?” “I wish I could be like you.” Kiera called after him. Kiera thought it was strange. But she did as she was told. Ben motioned to something lying on the floor beyond the end of her bed. It glistened as she picked it up. “Isn’t it pretty?” Ben cooed. “I know a way you could be like me. We could be friends forever. Just hold it really tight and wish for what you want.” Kiera held the shiny piece of metal in her little hands and squeezed her eyes shut. She held the metal object tightly until it started to hurt and blood started to trickle. Gradually it began to hurt less and she felt a bit sleepy. She dropped the object and climbed back into bed, fell asleep…. Maureen opened the door tentatively. It had been a long time but she still hated to see all her daughters things as she had left them. What was that? She scolded herself for being so silly. She must have imagined it. But just for a moment she thought she had heard her little girl giggle. A chill froze Maureen as she heard another child begin to laugh along. © Gemma Wittmannback to top |
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A Fairy Story
*Twinkle.* Up went one. *Twinkle.* Up went another, until the sky was filled with sparkling stars that held the dreams of fairy land. Crystal smiled as she quietly flew about unlocking the stars. There were some very special dreams in the air tonight. The next day dawned on fairyland, and it’s inhabitants stirred awake. Magenta sleepily sat up, yawned and unfurled his deep red wings, stretching them delicately out behind him. He shook the previous day’s fairy dust out of his pixie boots and slipped them onto his pointy toes. His wings gave a little flutter and a flap and then rested again and he skipped off into the Enchanted Forest. Back at the sleeping quarters, Sapphire slipped out from beneath her gossamer covers and took a quick glance into her treasured mirror. None of the other fairies had such material possessions. She had found it one day on a trip out of the forest into the human land. She was very lucky to have such a pretty find, and she would never let anybody else look in her special mirror for fear of them breaking it or such like. She gave a wry smile to herself as she fancied that her long blue hair seemed quite fine today, and her sapphire tipped wings looked especially sparkly. She gave a twinkly little shake and she too set off into the forest to find this morning’s sweetest petal with which to clean. She hadn’t got long down the path when she happened upon a buttercup. She plucked a large petal to take to the nearby stream, when she heard a rustle, and out from behind a cluster of dandelions popped Magenta. Sapphire fluttered her pretty wings and batted her eyelids when she realised that she had come across a pixie (a handsome male fairy). Magenta was quite taken aback with this picture of beauty before him, and shook the usual polite twinkle, which is an ancient hello signal in fairyland. “And who might you be?” Sapphire purred. Magenta took a good look at this forward little fairy. She had an appealing air of confidence as she tossed back her bright blue hair, and parted her pouting blue lips to reveal a pearly grin. “Well…” he ventured carefully. “Well, is it
Blue?” After she had splashed some honeysuckle on and had her wash, Sapphire
and Magenta decided to walk on down the forest path to see if there was
anybody else around. It wasn’t long before they saw another boy
fairy sat on a large toadstool. He was quite a chubby fairy and seemed
to be eating an oversized fairy cake. “Ho! Hello! Who are you?” He
managed to say through a mouthful of crumbs. “I’m Sunny.
It’s short for Sunflower,” he grinned, and flapped his small,
in comparison to the rest of his body, but bright golden wings. Meanwhile, a young fairy named Rainbow was pottering about trying to
find decorations for her party the next day. It was her birthday tomorrow
and she would be coming of age. She was a little excited, but didn’t
want to become too giddy about it, after all she was supposed to be an
adult now, and besides, probably not many people would come anyway she
thought. She glanced over to a patch of daisies and noticed a pixie looking
over at her. He caught her eye and smiled, then stood up and came over
to where she was standing. “Hullo.” The pixie shook his polite
twinkle and Rainbow shook one back. That day came and went and the next day peered up above the clouds,
roaringly sunny again. It was a special day. Rainbow’s birthday.
She woke excitedly and got out of bed as usual. Just as she was about
to pull on her old pixie boots there was a great powdery puff and sudden
burst of stars and fairy dust. Rainbow coughed and spluttered her way
out of this sudden explosion, wondering what it was all in aid of. She
looked around but couldn’t see anything unusual. She looked the
other way, but just as she was turning around, she caught a glimpse of
the most wonderful colour behind her. She turned around again and there
was another flash of brilliant fuchsia. She just couldn’t work
out where it was coming from. She decided to leave the mystery for now
and went outside to start preparations for the party that night. Waiting
for her in the daisy patch was her pixie friend from yesterday, but as
she got closer Indigo’s face turned from a smile into a look of
complete surprise. It had started to get onto evening and while Magenta was talking to
Silvikrin the sky had noticeably darkened. Rainbow decided it was time
to get back and get ready for tonight’s celebrations. She told
Indigo that she would see him there as he gathered her delicate hand
to his mouth and left a sparkly kiss. She skipped merrily off. As she
was almost at the path that led out of the forest up to the living quarters,
she heard a strange noise. It sounded like somebody crying. She crept
quietly on as the sobbing got nearer and louder. Under the toadstool
that Magenta and Sapphire had found Sunny sitting on yesterday, was Sapphire.
Her blue hair covered her face, and she had her knees drawn up which
she now sobbed onto. “Sapphire? Is that you?” Asked Rainbow. Later on the party was going well. Much more people than Rainbow had
expected, had turned up. Everybody was drinking magic fairy birthday
juice, and enjoying the twinkling fairy music. Sunny was there too enjoying
the food as he popped another fairy bun into his mouth. His round face
was happy and smiling and his rosy cheeks became rosier and his eyes
lit up over the course of the evening as each new batch of food was brought
out. After a while though, he began to feel quite full. His tummy had
become quite big and he really couldn’t eat much more. Just then
the desserts were brought out on a big shiny silver platter. Just one
little fairy cake couldn’t do any harm he thought, but just as
he popped it in he began to feel really sick. His tummy hurt and he didn’t
feel well at all. Sunny began to cry, but just then somebody tapped him
on the shoulder. “Why are you crying? Aren’t you enjoying
the party?” Sunny looked up and saw it was Silvikrin, the wise
old fairy who had spoken to him. The party was almost at a close. Everybody had sung and danced and eaten
and drunk and Rainbow had as good a time as all the others. The host
of the evening, and the Fairy Elder, Pearl, made her way to the front
of the crowd and ordered hush. “I’d like to think everybody
joins me in wishing Rainbow a very happy birthday. Most of you will know
that this is a very special birthday for Rainbow, as she has now come
of age. You will probably have noticed that Rainbow’s wings are
no longer pure white like the snow, but a beautiful bold array of colours.
Perhaps some of you will remember the old myth of the little princess
who was forced to live plainly to see if she could grow up not to resent
having a colour like all the other fairies. You might remember that if
she managed to grow up kind and was not vain and not greedy and did not
seek the attention that comes from showing off, she would be granted
one very special wish. Well it is not just a myth. That princess is Rainbow,
and she has grown into a fair, good and happy young fairy. Her wish was
to have wings in all the colours of the rainbow, and today her wish was
granted.” © Gemma Wittmann |
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CrossroadsHave you ever come to a crossroads in your life and wondered what might have been if you had chosen the other path? Would life have been better or worse? Would the eventual outcome have been the same? Would you have been the same person you are today reading this? Well, I have wondered, and as I questioned more and more situations, I began to discover a whole new life pouring from my pen. Here’s my story (and my reality?)… I wanted him to take it back. I didn’t want to believe the words that were coming from his mouth. I could see his lips moving but closed my ears to the truth. This couldn’t be happening again. We’d come so far. Yesterday now seemed as far away and unknown as the future. I couldn’t help thinking back to the day he had asked me that very special question. What had happened to make him change his mind? I couldn’t imagine not sharing the night with him; that most intimate
of times when the light goes out and no words can say what a simple hug
can reach. But now he had given me no choice. “Nothing is going
to change my mind.” The dream had been shattered. Perfect life had been torn from seam to seam and exposed for the cover up it really was. I didn’t know how to go on. He had run up behind me, stabbed me in the back and run off again before I could protest. He left me without even a chance to try and heal the wounds. Why did I love a man like this? I would ask myself. There it was. There was no sufficient answer. From that moment on I knew I had to let go. Somebody who doesn’t want you isn’t worth having. I had to make myself strong again. He had worn me down over years of neglect and mistrust. He could not have hurt me more if it had been physical punches he threw. I couldn’t even cry anymore I was too tired. All I felt for days and weeks was numbness. It was like I was missing my right arm. Life just felt so empty for me and all purpose and reason and motivation had left me. I heard so many pieces of advice it all seemed so hard to accept. Gradually though it began to make sense. I needed to start living for myself. The time apart was like being freed from suffocation. I could still breathe without him and I realised I had been in a cocoon state for all those years. I put out my feelers and tentatively took the first steps out on my own. My eyes were opened and I started to see all the wonderful things around me that I had never taken advantage of before. When he came home I was surprised to feel different. I thought I would be pleased to have him next to me again but I only felt uncomfortable. Why was he back here after the things he said? Maybe he didn’t really mean them and he had had time to think, come to think, come to his senses. “Do you love me?” I asked him. “Do you think you could love me again?” But instead of the affirmative reply I had been led to expect I was met with confusion and denial. I couldn’t wait around any longer. It was either yes or no. There comes a point when you have to say enough is enough. I was fed up of being left hanging, and decided I needed to cut the threads once and for all. There. That was my decision. I was strong after all. Work was boring as usual. I needed something to take my mind off things; something interesting to think about instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself. I let my mind wander and it came to rest on one young man in particular. I had seen him around before and knew his name, but I had never really spoken to him. Come to think of it he was quite good looking really. I started to make up imaginary conversations with random people I noticed around the place, and sure enough I realised at the end of the day I hadn’t been thinking about my troubles for hours. The next day was just as boring so I started the game again and my mind wandered back to that handsome fella I had noticed the day before. I felt guilty for thinking about other men but remembered that I was a free woman and why shouldn’t I think about anyone I liked? Thoughts never did anyone any harm anyway. “Are you coming out on Saturday?” James asked the following week. “A bunch of us from work are going into town.” Well why not I thought. I deserved to let my hair down and it might make me feel better. In any case it was better than sitting moping by myself in an empty house. “Yeah okay. Why not.” I replied cheerfully. It might give me a chance to get to know some people a bit better and maybe Dylan would be going. That could be interesting. I called Chris when I got home to propose the idea to him and arranged to meet up before we went to meet the others. The big night came and I refused to think about Gary. I slung the cheesiest CD I could find into the Hi Fi and slammed the volume up while I got ready. I was nervous but determined to have a good night. A glass of wine wouldn’t do any harm on that front. Well, I was all ready and just sat to wait for Chris to arrive. 7.30 came and went and Chris still hadn’t arrived. He probably wouldn’t come. It was probably for the best anyway I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself without Gary. I would feel totally out of place with the guys from work I didn’t know them well enough. It was a stupid idea to think that I could actually go out and have a good time and even more ridiculous to think that anyone would be interested in me. I curled up on the sofa with a bar of chocolate and let a tear slip out. “What happened to you last night?” Asked Kate. Gary sighed. “I’ve really screwed things up between us haven’t
I?” Was I? I couldn’t help thinking about all the years we had shared
together, the plans we had made. “What do you want from me?” I
had asked him. His answer was he wanted me back. Could I just let go
knowing that if I had given things a chance we might have been able to
work things out? “I can’t do this. You can’t do this to me again. I’ve had enough of your games. It has to be goodbye.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I didn’t know what would happen to me next I just had to go along with it. I ordered a ham sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. “I knew I had
something to tell you!” Blurted Kate. “Dylan told someone
that he thought you were good looking and he was going to try and pull
you when we all went out last week!” “He was probably just winding Sarah up. I’m sure he didn’t really mean it.” Inside my stomach was turning somersaults. Could it really be true that someone good looking actually fancied me? Had he guessed that I fancied him? I could have kicked myself for chickening out of that night. Still, it felt good to think that was the possibility of some one else out there for me somewhere after all. I banished all thoughts of Gary again. All I could think about was Dylan. Every time I saw him I noticed more and more things that were attractive about him, I just couldn’t help it! I took the opportunities as they arose, to chat to him; sometimes about work, sometimes about college. I was amazed that he gave me the time of day. I wanted to tell him how I felt so many times but fear of making a fool of myself stopped me. I grew frustrated with flirting and I decided to seize the day. Another work’s night out was organised and I forced myself to put the energy into feeling positive and putting on my prettiest little outfit. A glass of Baileys for courage and a friend for support and we headed off to the bar. As soon as I walked in and saw him there I knew I had to take a chance. Even if he didn’t like me at all and I had been deluding myself all this time, at least I would know. I gave my best smile as I walked past him to order a drink. I received one back in return and after another glass of Baileys plucked up the courage to drag a mate onto the dance floor, being sure to give Dylan that all important glance back as I went past. The night seemed endless. After more Baileys and more eye contact I finally decided I would have to try my best to make conversation without making a fool of myself. I slinked over to where he was stood and started by asking if he was having a good time. A little more small talk and I couldn’t help being insanely attracted to him. It was time to confess, “I really like you.” I imagined a look of horror and disgust on his face and prepared myself for the worst, but when I dared to look up he was only grinning. “I wanted to tell you for ages. I really like you too.” He said shyly. It was all I had dared hope for. I had to pinch myself to check I wasn’t imagining it. Dare I take the next step? Would it be a gross assumption of me? I didn’t need to worry for long as he leant in and kissed me. I sparkled. This was special. I had worried for so long and wish that I had just had the courage in the first place to speak to Dylan. I had finally found love. I realised after Dylan and I got together, what love really was. When you love someone you could never hurt them the way that Gary hurt me. Six months later Dylan proposed and just over a year after that we were married. I never heard from Gary again and although he still held a special place n my heart, it served only to remind me that bad things only happen to make you appreciate the good when you find it. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * “I can’t trust you. If we got back together things would only go back to how they were before and you would end up doing this to me again.” I was confused but determined not to let him take the upper hand. “I’ll give you space. All the space you need. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it for you.” Gary pleaded. “We can sit down together and work out what went wrong.” “I asked you to give us that chance months back but you said no. Why should I give you anything? You had your chance.” He was going to have to do better than this. “Please, let me prove to you that I’m worth taking back. I know I’ve done you wrong but I want to make it right. I’ve really messed things up I know but I love you. I’ll take good care of you if you just give me the chance.” “I want you to get help. Proper help. Make an appointment to see the doctor and I’ll consider letting you show me things can be different. One step out of line and it’s over.” I felt like a pushover, but I remembered the way I had felt about him before all of this happened. I loved him. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. Surely love like that was worth giving a go. Had I made the right decision? I couldn’t help wondering but I had made my decision and I was going to see it through. Something in me had changed though. I was not so forgiving nor so understanding. I had hardened. I had lost my naïve belief that love could conquer all. It made me sad to think that he had done that to me. But the blinkers were off now. I had seen the real world and it was a cruel place where there were no fairytales to believe in. Days and weeks passed and Gary worked hard to make things better. He got the help he needed. Even I saw the difference in him. He was more appreciative of the good things that he had and in turn I appreciated him more for it. Gradually things started to get better and love returned. We got married and things were lovely for a long time. Perhaps there was one fairytale and it belonged to me. Could it be true? But it was always going to end this way. You knew it didn’t you? It’s a shame I couldn’t see it. I never loved him in the same way again. He took something away from me that couldn’t be returned with flowers and perfume and heart shaped chocolates. After the wedding was cancelled and Gary moved out, I discovered the real me. I decided that life was too short to waste on wondering what went wrong and I was still young. I realised that I had wasted the best years of my life. So I spent more quality time with friends and plodded along happily. Until one night a thunderbolt I hadn’t been expecting struck. “Dylan still really likes you.” Kate confessed. “I never said anything before because you were happy with Gary.” I wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not. Of course I knew she wouldn’t lie but was it possible she had just got the wrong end of the stick? There was only one way to find out. I trembled as I dialled his number, unsure of what to expect. Unsure of whether I would even be able to speak if he answered. I was almost relieved to get his answer machine. I left a message and knew that I had done my best. The ball was in his court now. He called. He called! We met for a drink and conversation was so easy. After that night things went from good to even better. I didn’t know that love could be so happy. Dylan was such a gentleman and looking back on the time I had spent with Gary my only wish was that I had known what I know now. That love doesn’t have to be a challenge full of heartbreak and misery to be worth it. It was possible to share the same interests and not get bored of each other. It was possible to be happy without waiting for it all to break down. Six months later Dylan proposed and I knew that this time I wouldn’t be cancelling. “Stargazer lilies. Yes they are definitely the ones I want.” Only 3 months to go until the big I do. I couldn’t have been more excited. I never expected that the phone call I received next could make me change my mind. “Please meet me. Just for five minutes. I need to talk to you.” We covered a lot of old ground and for a short time I almost believe
hat he was saying to me. We could have been together we would have made
it work. Gary believed we were meant to be together because after all
the heartache we had been through together we had still held that bond.
I saw it differently. I believed that we weren’t meant to be and
all the heartache we had been through trying to hold onto the love that
we had was just fate trying to pull us apart. I was meant to be with
Dylan and I knew that now. © Gemma Wittmann |
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